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Holiday Shopping: Temper Tantrums - How Can We Help?

Sometimes we ASK for help and advice, but we reject it if it’s not what we want to hear. If we don’t already trust and respect the person, we’re more likely to disagree, no matter WHAT they suggest, right?

So even if someone asks for help, it may be wise to enter in very reluctantly and with very few words.

So if a mom asks me, “How do I get my child to stop hitting me?” I may be more inclined to say, “Wow, that’s probably getting old. Tell me more.”

Why? Because she may just be testing to see if I rush in.

I did that enthusiastically in the past more times than I care to admit. However, I learned not to.

Which leads us to holiday shopping and probable kid overwhelm.

If I see a mom at the market who is at her wit’s end with her child whose terrorizing her, I will cheerfully say, “OK, How can I help?” I’ve had moms start bawling because they’re so grateful that I offered real assistance rather than advice or judgment.

If I sense the mom really doesn’t want help, just a break, I’ll comment on the little girl’s shoes (they love that) or the little boy’s toy (they usually have one). Sometimes just the change of a new person in the picture alone is enough to break the tension between the mother and child. Whatever works, right?

One mom asked me to go get a glass of water. One asked me to go to the back of the store and grab a dozen eggs. And I do it cheerfully. Because I remember having two under two in a grocery cart.

So it may be more about intention. Is it one of genuine empathy or one of judgment? That really speaks volumes, doesn’t it?

Be brave. When you see a child having a temper tantrum, offer a helping hand to his mom who’s probably wanting to duck behind something fast.

When in doubt, size it up and answer, “What would I want someone to do for me if I were in her shoes.”

Just another way to build this web of compassion between us. And keep the holidays a little brighter.

Topics: adhd children, temper tantrums, toddler tantrums, tantrums, Debra Sale Wendler, defiant child, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, behavior problem, oppositional, adhd |

Sincerely yours in parenting success,

Debra Sale Wendler

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