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Children Stealing: What to Do If Your Child Steals from Others

Stealing is a common rite of passage for children. The secret is to develop an action plan and follow it consistently.Let’s assume that your 9-year old child stole his peer’s Squirt Pen at school and you found it in your son’s backpack.  We recommend that you use a token system with which to teach honesty.Give him time to explain his side of the story.  Take a token for each “story” you hear.   If you determine a theft say, “I’m hearing you say that you committed theft.  That’s dishonest.”   Immediately take three tokens.Ask him, “Can you tell me two reasons why you took the pen?”  If he gives you no reasons that he needed it, the theft falls in the “want” category.If he begins to tell the truth, give him a token for honesty.Design and enforce three logical consequences, for example:

• Your child will write the victim a draft of an apology letter, so that you can correct it first.  Then, he will copy it properly with his best penmanship.  DO NOT write his apology letter for him.  The next school day, or as soon as convenient, he will read his victim the apology letter, before handing it to him.

• The next school day, your child will return the squirt pen to his peer.

• At the same time, he must pay the peer restitution of three times the value of the item, either with allowance money or with an item worth that much.  For example, he must return the knife, but he also needs to give his friend in cash or an item worth three times the value of the pen, preferably something his friend dearly wants. 

If your child cannot buy the item with his savings or pay the value in cash, you can buy the item, but he must repay you at a designated rate earned with extra chores.  Until he repays you, he may not spend allowance money any other way.  Parents may need to supervise (from a distance) that the stolen item is returned to the rightful owner.  When you enforce this restitution, your child will learn the lesson faster.Prepare your child for some strong reactions and possible rejection from his victim.  This psychological pain is necessary to prevent him from stealing again. Practice with him by role-playing at home so that he can conduct himself honorably when he is facing his victim.  (It will be difficult for him.)  Say, “Son, no one ever said that life was always easy.  As long as you are doing the right thing, I will be proud of you.”When you discover a theft, have your child write subliminal sentences specific to stealing, for example:

• “I must respect other’s personal property.”

• “I want to be a law-abiding citizen, so I must respect others and their things.”

• “I want others to trust me.  Keeping my hands to myself is the first step.”

Train your child values and hold him accountable for his actions with logical consequences.  If you use these methods consistently each time you suspect stealing, your child will probably decide that stealing is more trouble than it is worth. Consistency and follow through is critical to a possible cure.I invite you to use these methods to transform quickly from reactive parent to surprisingly calm, cool, and collected parent worthy of attention and respect.If you want to help your child overcome lying and stealing, I invite you to claim your free child behavior–improving report “Three Easy Ways to Improve Your Child’s Behavior Today!”  You can download it when you subscribe at http://www.AdhdParentingTips.com  It explains the methods I used to improve my son’s ADHD/ODD behavior by 72% in 3 weeks. The sooner you start, the easier it is to help your child. You can do this.From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and ADHD Parenting Success at http://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com