Child Behavior Problems Solved: ADD, ADHD, ODD, Defiant Children. This really works.

Parenting: Challenging Child Warning Signs That May Lead to ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder)

If your child has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) or bipolar, you’re familiar with child behavior problems. If your child has signs of autism, ADHD or ADD (attention deficit disorder), Aspergers, or PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified), you may be seeing challenging behaviors.

Five Warning Signs of Challenging Child Behavior

If you suspect that your child’s difficult behavior is something more than just being a kid, these are the warning signs of a full-fledged challenging child.

1. Refuses to look up into your eyes.

This is one of the early signs that your parent-child relationship is in trouble. He refuses to look up into your eyes because that gives you power. He doesn’t trust you enough to give you that control. To test this, ask your child to sit beside you while you show him something, for example, a book or picture. Ask a friend or older child to observe how your child looks at you.

The solution is to mend your relationship. It is rare to find anyone who offers step-by-step advice on how to do this. The first step is to learn and respect your child’s special needs without getting emotionally overwhelmed and without catering to his demands. When you learn how to mend your parent-child relationship, your child will look up into your eyes with respect.

2. Refuses to learn from you.

Even your simple efforts to teach him how to hold a fork or comb his hair are refused. He has decided that you are not to be trusted, and therefore he cannot learn from you. You can test this by asking your child to sit with you as you teach him something, for example, how to draw a tree. If the battles begin, that’s your warning. When you mend your parent-child relationship, your child will allow you to teach him.

3. Whines and complains.

No matter how hard you try to please him, he always finds something to complain about, for example, the food you prepare. This is an effort to control you, plain and simple. Catering parents answer food complaints by making something the child prefers. The ungrateful child wins again. Next time he’ll complain more so that he can win more. Your child’s whining and complaining will end when you learn how to provide his special needs, not cater to his demands.

4. Argues.

Everything is a battle, from when to wake up, to what to wear, and when to go to bed. This day-long string of quarrels and disputes is exhausting and quickly erodes your relationship. Your child’s arguing proves that he challenges your authority. When he is confident in your authority, he will give up some of his need to set his own rules.

5. Is oppositional.

You say now; your child says never. Oppositional children challenge everything, your requests, your rules, and your schedule. It’s exhausting, and heartbreaking, and can cause you to want to escape your child’s tyranny. Who can blame you?

If Your Child is Challenging, Listen Up

If you’re like 99.99% of parents of challenging children, you may be making innocent errors all day long that actually make your child’s behavior worse. Please don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t possibly have guessed. So you can forgive yourself right now.

The five warning signs listed above reveal how ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) develops (65% of children with ADHD develop it). If your child has ODD, or is developing it, his difficult behaviors will get worse unless you take action.Your child needs your specific help to stop these problem behaviors. He can’t do it on his own.

You Can Solve This

If now is a good time to get your child’s attitude and behavior under control, I invite you to use these parenting tips to get started. If you want more tips, I invite you to claim your free report “Seven Simple Ways to Get Your Child to Listen to You!” You can download it when you sign up at http://www.AdhdParentingTips.com It explains the methods I used to transform my son’s ADHD/ODD behavior from out-of-control to almost normal in 3 weeks. You also get 3 free videos: “How To Prevent Temper Tantrums.” The sooner you start this, the easier it is to help your child. You CAN do this.

From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and Respect Effect Parenting at http://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com

Children Stealing: What to Do If Your Child Steals from Others

Stealing is a common rite of passage for children. The secret is to develop an action plan and follow it consistently.

Let’s assume that your 9-year old child stole his peer’s Squirt Pen at school and you found it in your son’s backpack. We recommend that you use a token system with which to teach honesty.Give him time to explain his side of the story. Take a token for each “story” you hear.

If you determine a theft say, “I’m hearing you say that you committed theft. That’s dishonest.” Immediately take three tokens.

Ask him, “Can you tell me two reasons why you took the pen?” If he gives you no reasons that he needed it, the theft falls in the “want” category.If he begins to tell the truth, give him a token for honesty.Design and enforce three logical consequences, for example:

Your child will write the victim a draft of an apology letter, so that you can correct it first. Then, he will copy it properly with his best penmanship. DO NOT write his apology letter for him. The next school day, or as soon as convenient, he will read his victim the apology letter, before handing it to him.

The next school day, your child will return the squirt pen to his peer.

At the same time, he must pay the peer restitution of three times the value of the item, either with allowance money or with an item worth that much. For example, he must return the knife, but he also needs to give his friend in cash or an item worth three times the value of the pen, preferably something his friend dearly wants.

If your child cannot buy the item with his savings or pay the value in cash, you can buy the item, but he must repay you at a designated rate earned with extra chores. Until he repays you, he may not spend allowance money any other way. Parents may need to supervise (from a distance) that the stolen item is returned to the rightful owner. When you enforce this restitution, your child will learn the lesson faster.Prepare your child for some strong reactions and possible rejection from his victim. This psychological pain is necessary to prevent him from stealing again. Practice with him by role-playing at home so that he can conduct himself honorably when he is facing his victim. (It will be difficult for him.) Say, “Son, no one ever said that life was always easy. As long as you are doing the right thing, I will be proud of you.”When you discover a theft, have your child write subliminal sentences specific to stealing, for example:

“I must respect other’s personal property.”

“I want to be a law-abiding citizen, so I must respect others and their things.”

“I want others to trust me. Keeping my hands to myself is the first step.”

Train your child values and hold him accountable for his actions with logical consequences. If you use these methods consistently each time you suspect stealing, your child will probably decide that stealing is more trouble than it is worth. Consistency and follow through is critical to a possible cure.I invite you to use these methods to transform quickly from reactive parent to surprisingly calm, cool, and collected parent worthy of attention and respect.

From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and Respect Effect Parenting at http://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com

Children with ADHD—How to Recognize the Early Signs of ADHD in Children

You will know your child is difficult before he is two years old, especially if you have other children. He exhausts you. He cannot sit still, does not listen to instructions, and gets in trouble constantly. A former foster mother of 36 children with severe ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) said, “These kids make your eyeballs tired.”If your child has behavior problems, it is hard to know what to do next. You may be reluctant to get him assessed right away because you still have questions. What if he just has a lot of energy? What is normal behavior anyway?

Typical Milestones of Children without Child Behavior Problems

At three years old—he can initiate play activities and he enjoys playing with other kids.At four years old—he talks and plays with his peers, takes turns when playing games, cooperates in groups, and helps adults when asked.At five years old—he can follow established rules and routines. He apologizes when he hurts others, shows his emotions in different situations, is helpful to his peers, and seeks help from adults when crises occur.

When It Is Time to Get Your Child’s Assessment

If your child cannot accomplish these tasks and he is more than five years old, there is a greater likelihood that he has ADHD. Do not wait any longer.You need to seek a professional opinion for a proper diagnosis. Be aware that many doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists prefer to wait until a child is more than five years old to diagnose and medicate.If children’s behavior problems are severe, these medical professionals will make exceptions. Defiant children need specific help to keep from developing ODD (oppositional defiant disorder).If you observe these signs of ADHD in your child before he is seven years old, start keeping a journal on child behavior problems.

Keeping a History Journal to Record Child Behavior Problems

Start your journal when you first notice your child’s peculiar behaviors—known clinically as his age of onset. This journal is more important than you can imagine.Note the frequency and duration of his symptoms, including eating and sleeping habits, bruises left on siblings and peers, out-of-control incidents, and aggressive or destructive behavior. Enter the troubles he had in various settings, for example, nursery school, daycare, restaurants, grocery stores, and at family reunions and other social events. Document his response to your parenting and child discipline. You will need this information for his official assessment.

You Can Improve Child Behavior

From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and Respect Effect Parenting at http://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com

ADHD in Children - How to Get Your Child to Listen to You (Part 3)

Stage 3: Not Only NO But You’ll Pay For It

Here’s what it feels like: At this stage, most parents are so miserable, they’re trying to find a way out.

Here’s what your child does: My son was at this stage when he was 8. By then he was hitting us and hurting our feelings all day long. If your child is going to be aggressive, this is when we see it most.

Here’s what parents typically do: If you worry what your child will do if you ask him to do something (he doesn’t want to do), then you’re stuck in this miserable state. If you’re changing your behavior to please your child so he won’t rebel, then he knows you’re afraid of him. He will use this to his advantage at every opportunity.

Here’s what to do instead: 1. If your child is hitting you, that is unacceptable. Please ask your child’s doctor to tell you how to get additional training in how to protect yourself.

2. In addition to those things suggested in the first two stages, you need a complete system you can use each day to prove to your child that you’re plan will prevail.

3. It is wise to find a guide who has solved this. A guide shows you how they did it. A guide is there beside you encouraging you, not walking behind you or egging you on.

With Respect Effect Parenting, most parents report a 50% behavior and attitude improvement the very first day they use this system at home with their child. It works because your child SEES the plan and SEES you sticking to it. He can’t argue with a schedule on the wall. He can argue with Mommy who sometimes backs down from him.

The MOST IMPORTANT THING to do is get started right away, because this WON’T go away by watching and waiting.

You Can Improve Child Behavior

From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and Respect Effect Parenting athttp://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com

ADHD in Children - How to Get Your Child to Listen to You (Part 2)

Stage 2: No Way No How

Here’s what it feels like: At the moderate stage, most parents are getting discouraged. This usually happens around age 6, but it may be sooner depending on the child’s hyperactivity and the parents insistence. It also depends on how oppositional the child may be. (My son was at the moderate stage when he was about 5.)

Here’s what your child does: He is in charge. You are being held hostage by his angry temper tantrums that last until you give in. He’ll have a tantrum every time he doesn’t get his way. And he can get quite skilled at them. If this is happening to you, you’re both stuck. Your child can’t stop it until you change.

Here’s what parents typically do: You may have given up on your child complying with your wishes. So you may be catering to him more and more. You may feel as if you’re walking on eggshells. You probably are.

Here’s what to do instead: If this is where you are now, I can’t solve this in a paragraph. I can tell you what it will take.

1. First, you will discover how to talk so that your child will listen to you. How to convince him that you mean what you say.

2. And next, we will mend your relationship that has already been damaged by these daily struggles. If you have been catering to your child’s every whim, no matter how extreme, then your child has no respect for you. (One mom was bringing her son cocoa puffs in bed so he would go to school.)

3. You will NOT be able to correct this without structure AND a reward system. Structure is living by a set of routines. Reward is showing your child what he wins when he lives by a set of routines. The MOST IMPORTANT THING to do is get started, because this WON’T go away by watching and waiting.

You Can Improve Child Behavior

From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and Respect Effect Parenting athttp://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com

ADHD in Children - How to Get Your Child to Listen to You - Part 1

The Problem: Your child is not listening to you. He is not honoring your first request or complying with your wishes.

Parents most common question is “How do I get my child to listen to me?”

This occurs in three main stages depending on your child’s hyperactivity and your (his parent’s) reactions.

Stage 1: Passive Noncompliance

The first is what we call passive noncompliance.

Here’s what it looks like and feels like: Your child is not really defying you and saying NO. But he isn’t jumping up and doing what you ask, either. So this leaves you nagging and reminding gently, or not so gently.

Some mothers have to remind their children 5-20 times to get ANYTHING done. Apparently their child decided “If mom is going to say it 20 times, I might as well ignore her the first 19 times. That gives me more time to do this thing (I like better than that thing she wants me to do).

Here’s what your child does. It almost seems as if he cannot hear you. Yes, he hears you; it’s just that he would rather pretend he doesn’t so he can wait to mind you.

Here’s what to do: Learn the 5 ways to attract your child’s attention. Otherwise he will keep ignoring you, because he can.

1. Limit your side of the talking to 6 seconds. Stop the long, nagging, and gentle reminding.

2. Show your child what is in it for him when he complies. For example, if you want your child to tidy up his room, rather than nagging and threatening, try this instead. Get the kitchen smelling great by cooking something he likes.

3. Use pre-warnings: Come to his room and say:

“20 minutes till dinner. Mmm! mashed potatoes. Room check in 15.”

“15 minutes till dinner. Room check in 10. Check under your bed.”

“10 minutes till dinner. Room check in 5 minutes. Check the side of your bed. Mashed potatoes when your room’s OK.”

“5 minutes till dinner. Room check. Dinner when room’s OK.”

Check the room and list what is left to be done. For example, “As soon as you get these dirty clothes put away, let me know you’re ready for a check.” Your child MUST see what’s in it for him or he will not comply. Nagging is not a big threat. Missing mashed potatoes is.

The MOST IMPORTANT to do is get started, because this WON’T go away by watching and waiting.

You Can Improve Child Behavior

If now is a good time to get your child’s attitude and behavior under control, I invite you to use these parenting tips to get started. If you want more tips, I invite you to claim your free report “Seven Simple Ways to Get Your Child to Listen to You!” You can download it when you sign up athttp://www.AdhdParentingTips.com It explains the methods I used to transform my son’s ADHD/ODD behavior from out-of-control to almost normal in 3 weeks. You also get 3 free videos: “How To Prevent Temper Tantrums.” The sooner you start this, the easier it is to help your child. You CAN do this.

From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and Respect Effect Parenting at http://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com

Parenting Angry Children - Seven Easy Ways to Transform From Reactive to Respected Parent

Children with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), bipolar, autism, Asperger’s syndrome, and PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified), can be difficult to manage sometimes. If your child has one of these conditions, he may try to push your buttons so you lose control and he wins. The only way out of this gridlock is to develop some winning tactics of your own.

Adopt these winning tactics that soothe your child and elevate your parenting style:

1. Refuse to argue. Your child’s first line of defense (and distraction from the real issue at hand) is to start an argument. Counter his defensive tactic with your calm logic.

For example, if you child doesn’t want to do the dishes, he may say, “I didn’t eat any of that stupid dinner so I’m not doing the stupid dishes.” You can say, “I hear you. The chore chart shows clearly that you wash dinner dishes this week. Please start now.” The more agitated he gets, the calmer and less emotional you get. If you weaken and argue, he wins.

2. Refuse to cater, coddle, or pamper your child when he is disagreeable. Otherwise he’ll think, “I must be the prince, and you must be the doormat. Why else would you cater to me when I treat you like a slave?”

Your child’s second line of defense may be to throw a tantrum or act out.

This is a control tactic plain and simple. Your child can control this. Counter his defensive tactic by withdrawing your attention. Calmly clear other children, pets, and breakables from his tantrum area, and move to another room. Without attention, he will get bored quickly with his tantrum.

3. Refuse to get emotionally overwhelmed. If you get overwhelmed, say “I need five minutes to decide what to do with you.” Set a timer for five minutes, and leave the room to calm down. Then, return in exactly five minutes. That’s modeling self-control. (And you win.)

4. Refuse to raise your voice. If your child is out of control, try whispering. If he unnerves you enough that you raise your voice, he wins again.

5. Refuse to beg, bribe, or nag. Otherwise, your child will think you’re weak, and he wins. Praise him when you catch him being good. And give him a chance to win by improving his behavior.

6. Refuse to hit, spank, or threaten. You already know that these methods do not work. Your child sees your attempt to use these methods as weakness (and he wins again).

You need to motivate your child to improve his behavior and win your praise and attention.

You can remote control your child’s behavior with a token system, also called a behavior chart.

The secret is to find one that is easy to use. Some are too complicated.

7. Refuse to hold grudges or gripe about the past. It’s impossible to change the past, so it’s unfair for you to harp on it. If you do, your child is entitled to have a tantrum. (And he wins.)

All you have is the present. What you do right now builds your future, and your child’s, so make it count.

You Can Solve This.

Specialized Parenting: When Typical Parenting Just Doesn’t Fit

Parents tell me they worry about their role in their children’s behavior challenges. So let’s just get that out of the way…

Obviously you care enough to get extra help for your child. That’s why you’re here right now, right? :)

This is what I think, and you can see if you agree.

Having been through this myself, I’m 90% certain that you are not directly responsible for the development of your child’s behavioral or emotional problems. As your child’s primary caregiver (not stepparent), you are the only one with the power to resolve his or her behavior and emotional problems.

Some children are more difficult to parent than others. Lots of children have short attention spans. It’s hard for them to handle change. Some kids are strong-willed and some have developmental differences. Typical parenting works for children with easy dispositions.

If your child has special needs, specialized parenting helps you form a better fit with him or her. With specialized skills, you can manage your child easier than with typical parenting.

If you adopt Respect Effect Specialized Parenting. And if your child responds to it the same way that many children with similar behavior issues respond, you can expect your child to become happier, more cooperative, more affectionate, and better behaved at home and at school. That is the place to start. And that is what I am here to help you accomplish.

Yes, you want to know more about Respect Effect Specialized Parenting. And you want to know more about other families who have enjoyed similar improvements.

And when you are satisfied that I will do what I say, and follow through with you to the end, I hope you will start with one of my carefully designed parenting resources to help you on your way back to family harmony and parenting peace.

Sound good to you?

Shorty Awards for Most Valuable Health Content on Twitter

Twitter is a social media network for building relationships with others by

phone or computer. Here’s the catch… You only get 140 characters in which

to relay each message.

It’s PERFECT for fast communication without wading through the confusing

fluff we often get otherwise. And it’s perfect for busy parents who may not

LOVE to read.

Twitter is my favorite way to attract seekers of valuable information

on raising children with special needs.

The Shorty Awards finished yesterday for the most valuable short content on

Twitter in 26 categories.

I was first nominated for the Shorty Awards in the health category on December

16, 2008. By midnight yesterday, I had received 22 nominations and 127 votes

to win for producer of best health content.

Each voter was required to enter WHY they placed their votes with me. You can

see their comments here.

http://shortyawards.com/user/ADHDParenting <<<<<<<<<

Yes, I did a little campaigning and I’ll tell you why…

I believe that raising children with special needs is one of the MOST challenging

roles parents face. The lack of REAL knowledge and REAL support out there is

staggering.

So much of what you can find for free are confusing, conflicting, and unproven

opinions rather than time-tested, kid-proven, and parent-approved strategies

based on trusted psychology.

Why did I focus on winning this award?

Because it attracts attention to the IMPORTANT and VALUABLE role of parenting,

kids with special needs or not.

It is a noble cause to raise our children to be fulfilled, independent, contributing,

and law-abiding citizens.

It’s more important than our positions, our bank balances, and our stores of

belongings. It is our legacy. And a fine one to strive for.

And that is why I am deeply honored to have secured this attention for parenting,

for families, and for our future.

Winners are invited to attend an awards ceremony in New York City. I am for one

reason only - going because I hope that there will be plenty of media attention to

the cause of bringing parenting to the forefront. Yes, I’ll admit I’m thrilled to be able

to introduce my daughter to one of my favorite cities.

If you have not joined Twitter, I invite you to join today. Just go to http://www.twitter.com

and sign up for an account. Complete your brief bio. If my 75 year-old mother

can do it, I’m just guessing you can too.

Then go to my Twitter page at http://www.twitter.com/adhdparenting

In the top left corner, under my picture, hit the follow button. Then you can ask

me questions and join conversations with others with varying views.

It’s FASCINATING.

Thank you for allowing me to share with you this happy news. And to set the

stage for more interesting conversations in the future.

Please join my RSS feed up there in the top right corner of this page. That way

you’ll get my blog updates as they are entered. Also you’ll want to sign up for

my free report on Seven Simple Ways to Get Your Child to Listen to You.

I’ll respect your time with my brief informative updates that help you parent. If

you ever desire to stop this dialogue with me, you can easily unsubscribe at the

end of every message.

Be on the lookout for information on my new radio show on Blog Talk

Radio starting Tuesday morning at 11:00. I’ll post it here. So sign up for

the RSS feed now. (That means you’ll get an e-mail each time I post

to this blog.)

Please remember that I am here for you, I care, and I want to help, OK?

Hope to tweet (talk) with you soon on Twitter and here.

Parenting Advice: What to do when your child says, “I hate you.”…

If your child yells, I hate you,” and you put on a hurt look or act like a pat of melted butter, he wins this round of emotional blackmail. It’s easier for him to verbally abuse “safe Mommy who loves him” than to face the hurtful truth, so it’s up to you to change.

Calmly say, “I give you permission to hate me. Do you need to hate me for ten or fifteen [double digit] minutes?” Let him choose.

Set the timer and leave the room. When it goes off, check on your child. If he is still scowling, say, “I see that you’re still daggering me with your eyes, so I’ll give you more time to be angry with me.” (Daggering is our word for the “looking though eye slits” sneer that your child uses to show you he is unhappy with you.)

“How many more minutes do you need to hate me this time, five or seven [single digit] minutes?” Allow him to choose. Set the timer and leave the room.

When the timer goes off this time, check with him and ask, “How do you feel? Have you changed your opinion about me?” Accept your child’s opinion. Thank him, give him a hug, and go on with what you were doing. This method also works when he says, “I’m mad at you,” “I’m angry with you,” and “You’re making me furious.”

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Parenting: Challenging Child Warning Signs That May Lead to ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder)

Children Stealing: What to Do If Your Child Steals from Others

Children with ADHD—How to Recognize the Early Signs of ADHD in Children

ADHD in Children - How to Get Your Child to Listen to You (Part 3)

ADHD in Children - How to Get Your Child to Listen to You (Part 2)

ADHD in Children - How to Get Your Child to Listen to You - Part 1

Parenting Angry Children - Seven Easy Ways to Transform From Reactive to Respected Parent

Specialized Parenting: When Typical Parenting Just Doesn’t Fit

Shorty Awards for Most Valuable Health Content on Twitter

Parenting Advice: What to do when your child says, “I hate you.”…